Riding the Roller Coaster: How to Better Manage Preschool Behaviors Pt. 1

Working with the preschool population for eight years and now having my own four-year-old, I can tell you this stage is not easy. I wager it's more difficult than the newborn stage. Newborns cry and then calm when they get what they want. Preschoolers cry and may keep crying even after you've given them what they want. For examples just follow @assholeparents on Instagram.

These little humans are so full of emotions without a way to understand, let alone regulate, them. Our job as adults is to teach children how to recognize and manage their emotions. And no it doesn't mean just giving them the toy they're screaming for in Target.

We want these little humans to grow into successful regulated adults not entitled spoiled brats with a short fuse. But how do we do that? There's no reasoning with a preschooler! Or is there? Here are some strategies you can implement now to hopefully decrease tantrums. (I'll do some other posts about what to do when things get ugly!)

1. Offer choices. Choices give children a sense of control and sometimes this is the only way they get it. Remember two things before you give you child a choice. First that both choices are desirable or comparable. You can't offer, "ice cream or no ice cream." Instead aim for choices like, "chocolate or vanilla" or "brush teeth or put on pajamas." Second make sure YOU will except either choice. You don't want to incur your preschooler's wrath by offering something you can't give.

2. Say what they CAN do. When given directives that start with "don't" or "stop," children tend to tune them out. So instead of saying, "stop running" say, "walk please." This mind shift keeps things positive and your child will be more willing to comply.

3. Give information. So you can avoid hearing "no" after giving a directive or asking your child to do something, provide information (e.g. "shoes go in the closet"). This way if your child does not get the hint the first time, you can follow by asking. Giving information so children can make their own choices really gives them a sense of independence and accomplishment. Follow it up with some positive reinforcement, "You put your shoes away by yourself? That's awesome, thank you!"

4. Be silly. I'm always surprised about what my daughter will do for me when I sing it or say it in a character's voice. I can be saying the exact same thing but if it's in Mickey's voice, she almost always complies. I rarely use my own voice in my house anymore.

5. Meet basic needs first. There are times when children are hungry, tired and/or overwhelmed where these strategies just won't work. Their minds do not function properly when basic needs are not met. Often times I've made the mistake of giving my daughter choices at dinner which resulted in a meltdown because she was just too hungry.

Hopefully these strategies will help you better navigate the mine field of preschoolers. I know desperate times call for desperate measures so I'll be posting some tantrum survival tips in an upcoming post. And it always help to remember, this too shall pass.